I have some thoughts on my mind that I want to liberate.
If nothing else- just to write it down so that I can come back
when I need to make since of things.
To anyone that may be reading this, my apologies in advance-
I feel better when I write it down.
Define Brain Damage:
Injury to the brain that is caused by various conditions,
such as inadequate oxygen supply, and that may be associated
with a behavioral or functional abnormality.
Brain cells are extremely sensitive to oxygen deprivation.
Some brain cells actually start dying less than 5 minutes
after their oxygen supply disappears.
As a result, brain hypoxia (inadequate oxygenation of the blood)
can rapidly cause death or severe brain damage.
As a general rule, permanent damage
is likely if the brain is more than 3-4 minutes without oxygen.
10 minutes is almost certain to cause lasting damage
and in the majority of cases would result in death.
My mom did not die- not technically.
She is alive; her heart beats, she eats, sleeps, walks,
talks & cries just like the rest of us.
She is innocent or should I say childlike, she is fragile,
but she is adorable and she is my mom.
I love her so much. I couldn't imagine not having her around me.
Define My Sorrow:
Understanding her tactics.
Listening to her wishes.
This will happen again.
I worry, I cry,
I have flash backs of my sisters voice on the line from that night.
I remember that awful 30 minute drive that felt like hours had gone by.
When I try to remember the look on my children's faces as I panicked...
My mom spends every other week with me,
this week she & I got very upset with each other.
Twice I went down to her room to make things better and twice
it got worse. My mom feels like I don’t know her, she says none of us
know her- Maybe she’s right, she’s not the same person anymore.
This person that stays with me does not hug me & say its ok daughter,
kids will be kids. There is no motherly advice given.
There are no answers given when I’m in the kitchen cooking
and have forgotten a recipe.
There are insignificant amounts of feelings for my siblings & me.
Does any of this really matter? No, not at all. This is my mom.
In our argument I had to take a step back and not talk,
not argue or even cry I just sat quietly and watched as she cried;
she had forgotten I was even there.
I learned a lot from her expressions, from her actions. She is very right!
I vow here and now... no matter who, what or where
my mom will never ever have her feelings hurt by me.
I Love You Mom.
Define Lesson Learned:
Let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are
Beginnings are usually scary. Endings are usually sad,
but it's what's in the middle that counts.
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