Admirable

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from Braxton’s school saying
that he had been in a fight and that I needed to come pick him up.
As I walked into the office there was a boy sitting in a chair-
he looked sad.
Because I was focused on Braxton and going over
in my head the dozen reason’s why my son was in a fight today,
waiting to see the damage, waiting to hear the story
and finally waiting to hear the consequences…
it was only a glance and a thought as I passed the sad boy.
I walked into the principles office; the school officer
and the principle were waiting for me.
I sat… and they proceeded to tell me that they think
Braxton’s hand may be broken. Oh Boy!!!
They call Braxton in from the next room
and his hand is definitely messed up.

In my mind…my son broke his hand on someone’s face?
I wanted to cry and ask him- “what is wrong with you”
In my heart…my son had been in a fight, his hand was hurt,
he had a bump on his head, his shirt was torn,
I wanted to cry and hold him. (even though he's almost 16)
Finally I got the whole story.
Remember that sad boy in the office…
Braxton was fighting in his honor. That boy is name Joe.
Joe was being bullied by a boy name Christian. Long story short…..
Braxton listened to Christian pick on Joe & curse at him for some time
Joe headed towards the locker room and Christian followed.
So did Braxton... Needless to say…Braxton handled it!!!



See the left pinky offset- thats the growthplate that was disturbed.




These days there are too many reasons to fight.
I am sure there were other options to handle this.
But since Braxton made a decision,
I am so proud that it was for a good reason.
I think Joe was grateful as well.

End results- Braxton was not suspended.
The district does like to practice the "No Tolerance Rule"
But because Braxton was defending someone that was being bullied
The principle saw no reason not to ask Braxton to come back to school.
Christian was EXPELLED!!!

Braxton ended up with what they call a Boxers Fracture.
The fracture is in the left pinky and it fractures into the growth plate.
We have to see an Orthopedic Specialist!

Why's and Wish's

Despite unkind words…
The truth is…I love you so much.
Sometimes so much it hurts!
We get lost in rage and emotion,
words and tempers fly and the damage is done.
Now what? We are left with no trust, broken feelings and sad hearts.
This is happening to often. Much too often.

Some days are better than others,
but those days are far and few between.
There is no trust, no trust for me, no trust for you.
Why have we not paid attention to the
mistakes that were made between us?
I am positive there was something to be learned.
Why do we take each other for granite?
Why can’t we just let it go…move on and be happy?

You are a precious life…life that was given to me.
Some say that you…picked me…
Why is it so difficult to- as they say...live, laugh, and love?
It is much too easy to imply, to have little faith, to shout.

Is it just the way it is between a mother and a son sometimes?
Will this change, will you be able to look at me someday
and understand that I love you more than my own life.
That maybe things weren’t that bad! I truly hope so.
I love you very much, never forget that.
I know that you are only making a simply move across town,
But in a since my family is now broken.
I am about to learn how to love you from a distance
I’ll take it- I will do this so that one day you and I will
look at each other and smile, we will laugh, we will talk,
we will share stories………..

Unconditional:
Not limited by conditions; absolute.

Dear Braxton,
I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more then you take.

Oh More then anything, Yeah, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this is my wish.

I love you Braxt

The Hatt's

Years ago.....mom & dad found an amazing, life long friendship.
Howard & Nancy Hatt. xoxoxoxo
I have some really great memories growing up with them.
When Braxton & Harley were just little little I lived
right next store to them. (Wish I still did)
I wish I had taken advantage of that situation and
spent more time around them.
They are genuinly kind, wonderful, beautiful people!
I miss them. Justin & I took mom & dad down to see them
in Fairview this weekend. What a fantastic trip!
Thank you so much Nancy & Howard for everything.
Mom has not stopped talking about our visit-she needed that!
We will go again mom...promise.

Dad.Mom.Nancy.Howard


Nancy.Me.Howard


Miss you already- can't wait to visit again! xoxoxo

Choosing My Battles...

I really enjoy blogging, I kind of feel like this is my disclosed journal!
I have some thoughts on my mind that I want to liberate.
If nothing else- just to write it down so that I can come back
when I need to make since of things.
To anyone that may be reading this, my apologies in advance-
I feel better when I write it down.

Define Brain Damage:
Injury to the brain that is caused by various conditions,
such as inadequate oxygen supply, and that may be associated
with a behavioral or functional abnormality.

Brain cells are extremely sensitive to oxygen deprivation.
Some brain cells actually start dying less than 5 minutes
after their oxygen supply disappears.
As a result, brain hypoxia (inadequate oxygenation of the blood)
can rapidly cause death or severe brain damage.
As a general rule, permanent damage
is likely if the brain is more than 3-4 minutes without oxygen.
10 minutes is almost certain to cause lasting damage
and in the majority of cases would result in death.

My mom did not die- not technically.
She is alive; her heart beats, she eats, sleeps, walks,
talks & cries just like the rest of us.
She is innocent or should I say childlike, she is fragile,
but she is adorable and she is my mom.
I love her so much. I couldn't imagine not having her around me.

Define My Sorrow:
Understanding her tactics.
Listening to her wishes.
This will happen again.

I worry, I cry,
I have flash backs of my sisters voice on the line from that night.
I remember that awful 30 minute drive that felt like hours had gone by.
When I try to remember the look on my children's faces as I panicked...

My mom spends every other week with me,
this week she & I got very upset with each other.
Twice I went down to her room to make things better and twice
it got worse. My mom feels like I don’t know her, she says none of us
know her- Maybe she’s right, she’s not the same person anymore.
This person that stays with me does not hug me & say its ok daughter,
kids will be kids. There is no motherly advice given.
There are no answers given when I’m in the kitchen cooking
and have forgotten a recipe.
There are insignificant amounts of feelings for my siblings & me.

Does any of this really matter? No, not at all. This is my mom.

In our argument I had to take a step back and not talk,
not argue or even cry I just sat quietly and watched as she cried;
she had forgotten I was even there.
I learned a lot from her expressions, from her actions. She is very right!
I vow here and now... no matter who, what or where
my mom will never ever have her feelings hurt by me.
I Love You Mom.

Define Lesson Learned:
Let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are
Beginnings are usually scary. Endings are usually sad,
but it's what's in the middle that counts.

Beautiful Boy

Wednesday April 7th 2010 is our new Happy Due Date!
Candis & Chris checked into the Jordan Valley Hospital this morning
to have a baby. I went for a quick visit on my lunch hour
so that I could see my niece and give her hugs & kisses.
I snuck a picture with my phone while she was still "content"

See the cute little smile...


I was very impressed with her tactics-
There is nothing simple or polite about contractions
They hurt…and they hurt badly. B.A.D.
Candis just closed her eyes and breathed right through them
Well.....the first few hours of them!

So Pretty


At 5:00 pm I headed back to the hospital.
Candis was doing great- I am so proud of her.
Chris (father), Jolene (the father’s mother)
my sister (1st time grandma) and Michael (1st time grandpa)
were waiting patiently to meet the
newest addition to the Fertig/MacKay family.

Introducing…Parker Chase Mackay
Born on 4/7/2010 at 9:07 pm
8 pounds 4.1 ounces 20 ½ inches long








He is PERFECT. He is BEAUTIFUL.
He is MY Grand Nephew!!!
He has blond hair and the cutest dimple!
Great job Chris & Candis.
I love you both so much, thank you for letting me share
such an amazing evening with you.
Congratulations to my sis & Michael and to the MacKays.